


Code 22- It's Tony's Turn To Be Rescued!

by DaughteroftheSilverMoon



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Wonder Woman (2017)
Genre: Alfred Secretly Rules The World, Billionaire Boys Club, Billionaires To The Rescue, Bruce Has Lousy Fashion Sense, Bruce Is a Good Bro, Bruce and Lex are So Very Done With Team Cap, Civil War Team Iron Man, Crack Treated Seriously, Diana Is Terrifying And Sensible, FRIDAY is Alfred's Protege, Friendship, Gen, Lex is a good bro, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark is Talked About But Does Not Appear, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 16:24:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12461493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughteroftheSilverMoon/pseuds/DaughteroftheSilverMoon
Summary: When billionaires need rescuing, who better than their comrades in fortune? Tony has helped save Lex from terrible spouses (seriously, Lex needs a dating sabbatical. And possibly a professional matchmaker who can screen for criminals.) and Bruce from terrible investments (no, Bruce, a candy company should not be putting drugs into the sweets. Even nice drugs. Really.) When a Code 22 sounds, the billionaire bros leap into action, only this time it's Tony who needs their help. He's gone off to Siberia after the Winter Soldier and Captain America, who have smashed up several cities in their wake. Naturally, the bros bring in Wonder Woman to help save the day.





	Code 22- It's Tony's Turn To Be Rescued!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NegativNein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativNein/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Inimitable JARVIS](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3200447) by [NegativNein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativNein/pseuds/NegativNein). 



> After reading the above fic, I commented:
> 
> _I kind of adore the boys rescuing each other from their own particular kind of stupid. Bruce is objectively terrible at picking research and Lex's spouses usually try to kill him and/or steal his company._
> 
> and NegativNein replied:
> 
> _Yup, you can just see Lex's friends going "No, not again" when they get that Save the Date in the mail ^__^ And after Civil War, I'm thinking Tony is terrible at picking superhero teams, the billionaire boys should sort it out!_
> 
> Then this happened. There will be more, considering where this leaves off. *evil grin*

"Wake up, Wayne, we’ve got a problem."

"Luthor, it's four am. Even the Joker is asleep now. Call back at a halfway civilized hour," Bruce sighed, snuggling down in his lavender-scented linen sheets and pushing his phone away. 

"Code 22. That bunch of morons Tony’s been sponsoring have decided that the law doesn't apply to them and trashed an airport in Leipzig after chewing up a chunk of Bucharest and Berlin.” Bruce was out of bed and yanking on the clothing Alfred had left out before Lex finished his sentence.

“What is it with Tony and superhero teams? The other members seem to have been picked to provide comic relief and/or utter stupidity.” 

“In his defense, Tony didn’t get to pick this bunch, although he did once date Tiberius Stone, may his stocks never rise above $0.02 a share. Although Stone isn’t competent enough to be a supervillain. I digress. Not surprisingly, Team Idiot is now mostly in jail, after damn near killing Tony’s buddy Rhodes- he’s in ICU right now with spinal injuries which are hopefully treatable considering our collective genius. The Vision's not up to much right now, since he's the one who shot Rhodes down in a friendly fire incident. Romanov is in the wind after tasing King T'Challa of Wakanda, who's gunning for the guy who killed his father. Now Tony's off chasing down that overgrown science experiment Rogers and his freezer-burned BFF, the Winter Soldier AKA James Buchanan Barnes. FRIDAY says he's heading for Siberia. Put on that ridiculous Batsuit-"

"Which I don't have-" He headed towards the BatCave.

"-which I'm pretending you don't have and pick me up in ten minutes. We have a genius to rescue. Then we’ll do something about your atrocious fashion sense."

"On it. FRIDAY's sending me the coordinates." 

Alfred materialized as Bruce started suiting up. “Alfred, Tony will be visiting us for a little while.”

“Very good, sir. I’ll make sure there are some mechanical repairs for him to work on.”

Lex sighed. "Why can't we introduce him to some sane superheroes? Wonder Woman seems a decent sort, for an Amazon princess/demigoddess."

"Lex, Tony would either hit on her and be gruesomely murdered-"

"We'd avenge him-oops." Bruce could hear the smirk in Lex’s voice.

"-or she'd think he was adorable and keep him as a pet. Probably the latter, because he's likely to resemble a kicked puppy when we find him. On second thought, that's a great idea. Note to self, detour and pick up Diana."

Lex snorted. “Well, if nothing else she can beat up the science experiment and company.”

“Did you seriously say BFF?”

“Since Rogers’ emotional age appears to be about twelve, it seemed appropriate.”

“I will put Master Tony in his usual room, with Ms. Prince across the hall. She is quite competent at dealing with genius under stress.”

“Thank you, Alfred,“ Lex chipped in. “She was very helpful when we had to talk you out of investing in that fringe cosmetics company.”

“It was a good investment!” Bruce protested.

“It was run by a supervillain, Bruce. That’s generally a bad sign. Especially when she’s calling herself Poison Ivy. That just screams, ‘Do not pass go, do not collect $200, run like hell to the nearest exit.’”

“Diana did a fantastic job of handling your last fiancee, I must admit,” Bruce shot back. 

“I don’t mind being rescued from a beautiful and kickass woman by an even more beautiful and kickass woman,” Lex cheerfully admitted. 

“ _I_ mind when I have to mastermind your rescue while simultaneously attending a cocktail party where I’m supposed to be a vapid twit. Luckily Tony was available to help handle the heroics by playing distraction while Diana hauled you out of there. Also, there’s nothing wrong with my fashion sense, thank you.”

Alfred glanced up from his StarkPad and calmly announced, “Colonel Rhodes will be transferred to a facility here in Gotham tomorrow morning. I have already begun the necessary contacts for procedures to repair his spinal injuries. Doctor Helen Cho has been most helpful. FRIDAY has sent a StarkJet to collect Master Lex and it will arrive in ninety seconds, then come for Sir and myself, as I will be acting as medic on this expedition. Ms. Prince has been notified and we will pick her up en route.”

“Alfred, think kindly of me when you rule the world,” Lex said cheerily. 

“I endeavor to serve, Master Lex. Ms. Prince is not at all impressed with Mr. Rogers' general behavior and disposition. Also, he insulted her at that superhero ball three months ago. It is highly unwise to tell an Amazon that she’s in very good shape for a woman.” 

Bruce winced. Rogers apparently did have a death wish. 

“Ms. Prince seemed rather pleased at the possibility of lassoing Mr. Rogers, though we may have to persuade her not to strangle him with it. ”

“Just a teensy strangling?” Lex pleaded. 

Bruce snickered as he started up the stairs towards the manor’s back lawn.

“We shall discuss that when we see what kind of shape Master Tony is in.” 

“My ride’s here! See you in two minutes.” 

“If you show up in a purple suit I’m going to call you Hawkeye.” Bruce snapped his phone shut. “Alfred, what’s all this?”

“Medical supplies for Master Tony.”

“The thermos?”

“Coffee for Master Tony. The other two thermoses are for you and Master Lex.”

“Alfred is a good deed in an otherwise naughty world.” 

“Damnit, Lex, I hung up on you!”

“Tony fixed your phone after we had to rescue you from the Wise Water people.”

“That was a sound business plan.”

“With a product that was stupider than my second to last fiancee.”

“Was not.” Bruce sulked as the StarkJet landed silently on the back lawn, missing the rose garden by ten feet.

“It was, and you have terrible fashion sense when it comes to heroing, but that seems to be endemic. At least Tony went for functional if flashy. Hello, Alfred, lovely to see you as always.”

“Master Lex.”

For once, Lex was not in a purple suit, but his charcoal flightsuit had lavender accents. Bruce rolled his eyes.

FRIDAY chirped, _“Everyone on board? Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”_

“Wait, who’s flying this plane?”

“FRIDAY is, but you can go sit in the cockpit while Alfred and I talk. I brought tea for you and Diana, Alfred. It’s that nice Earl Gray blend I bought you for Christmas two years ago.”

“That was very thoughtful of you, Master Lex.”

“I try.”

“No, you don’t,” Bruce grumped.

“No, I don’t, but I will for Alfred. And Tony. And Diana, because she’s both terrifying and _sensible_ \- a rare commodity in superheroes. And speak of the angels and they arrive! Ms. Prince, lovely to see you again. Tea?”

“Yes, thank you, Mr. Luthor. Hello, Alfred, how are you?”

“Quite well, Ms. Prince, but concerned about Master Tony.”

"Why did he go alone?" Diana asked.

Lex shrugged. "There's not much of his team left when you subtract the jailbirds. Out of the ones who sided with Tony, Rhodes is in the hospital, The Vision is in shock, Spiderman (who I sincerely doubt is past the age of eighteen) was injured in the fight, and Romanov is God knows where and utterly useless anyway since she cut Rogers and Barnes loose at the airport. King T'Challa has his own agenda."

“That makes sense. Well, we’ll sort things out quickly. I’ve brought my lasso.”

“Alfred says no strangling unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

Diana frowned, then brightened. “Who’s defining necessary here?”

“Alfred.” Everyone, including FRIDAY, said in unison. 

Diana thought for a moment. “As long as I get to punch Rogers a few times, I’ll agree.” 

“He is quite punchable, isn’t he?” Bruce mused. 

“Quite.” Alfred agreed.


End file.
